Cues on How to Express our Emotions in a Positive Manner

Practice acceptance widely used within the mental health field as a form of emotional expression; which is crucial for communicating our desires, needs, and emotions (Brackett & Simmons, 2015). Having the ability to express one's emotions is directly correlated to stress management, (Moreno, Wiley, & Stanton, 2017), a rise in life satisfaction (Stanton, Kirk, Cameron & Danoff-Burg, 2000), and an increase in resilience (Eldeleklioglu & Yildiz, 2020).

This article dives into healthy emotional expression, cues on how to express emotions, negative side-effects of bottling things, and techniques for expressing emotions in relatiomships. W.H, Auden once said: "In times of joy, all of us wished we possessed a tail we could wag." While many of us understand the importance of healthy emotional expression, the path isn't always clear. I am going to share with you a few tips to facilitate healthy emotional expression.

Positive self-talk

We all have inner conversations with ourselves and at times, the dialogue can be productive or counterproductive. "We attract what we think most of the time." It is important to be mindful of the words we use to express ourselves. Consider whether the messages in your head are damaging, if so, replace them with those of a higher vibration.

Know your triggers

People, situations, and environments have the capacity of evoking unhealed traumas. Between the ages of 25 and 35 is when our childhood traumas begin to surface from our subconscious into our conscious mind. Rather than running away from these emotions and thoughts, invite them for a cup of coffee and get to know them! Yoga, mediation, and therapy are just a few ideas of what can help in dealing with these emotions and thoughts.

If you feel emotionally triggered when engaging someone, at a particular place, or during an event, ask yourself; "Where is this coming from?" "Are these emotions mine or someone else's?" "Why am I feeling this way if a couple of minutes ago I was fine and vibing at an all-time high?" By doing the "inner work," you are preparing your mind and body what to expect when you visit your family during a family reunion. When walking by the coffee shop you and your ex would go on Sunday. You are aware of where these emotions and thoughts are coming from and avoid getting caught "off guard."

Practice empathy

Whether you are amongst friends, family, or coworkers, practicing empathy creates bonds that enable us to be emotionally in sync with others. By doing so, we separate ourselves from the situation and look at that person from a different perspective. When we are stuck in a difficult situation, we hear the comment "think outside the box" or "look at it from a different perspective."Well, the same applies here. When you place yourself in that person's shoes, would you be reacting in a similar fashion?

Forgive

Marvin J. Ashton said: "Be the one that nurtures and builds. Be the one who has an understanding and forgiving heart, one who looks best in people. Leave people better than you found them." Whether you have not forgiven yourself or someone else, holding a grudge is the inverse of expression. When you free yourself of rancor, you open your mind and heart to love and positive expressions.

Practive acceptance

Stewart O'Nan said: "You couldn't relive your life, skipping the awful parts, without losing what made it worthwhile. You had to accept it as a whole, like the world, or the person you loved." Try to accept the part of your life in which you have no control over. Doing so you will feel better and give the opportunity to your mind and heart to express themselves freely.

Be grateful

Roy T. Bennett said: "Be grateful for what you already have while you pursue your goals. If you aren't grateful for what you already have, what makes you think you would be happy with more." It's pretty hard to be sad when we are thankful. We must appreciate what we have for there are people who would give anything to be in your shoes.

What Happens When You Don't Express Your Emotions?

Suppressing emotions are a bad idea. While this sounds like common sense, below are some examples supported by research.

• In a study of emotion regulation, those who suppressed their feelings experienced less positive and more negative emotions (Gross & John, 2003).

• In a 12-year prospective study, emotional suppression was related to a significantly greater risk of both cancer and cardiovascular disease mortality (Chapman, Fiscella, Kawachi, Duberstein & Muenning, 2013).

• In a comprehensive meta-analysis, emotion suppression was related to poorer relationship quality, lower social satisfaction, lower social support, more negative first impressions, and lower social wellbeing (Chervonsky & Hunt, 2017).

• In a study comparing individuals diagnosed with major depression versus healthy controls, suppression of both negative and positive emotions was associated with increased depressive symptoms among depressed individuals (Beblo et al, 2012).

Techniques for Expressing Emotions in Relationships

Mindfulness

This article dives into healthy emotional expression, cues on how to express emotions, negative side-effects of bottling things, and techniques for expressing emotions in relationships. W.H, Auden once said: "In times of joy, all of us wished we possessed a tail we could wag." While many of us understand the importance of healthy emotional expression, the path isn't always clear. I am going to share with you a few tips to facilitate healthy emotional expression.

Expressing negative emotions

It is healthy to be able to express to your partner not only positive and healthy emotions but negative and bothersome as well. When feeling resentment, anger, and disappointment are suppressed, they may erupt later causing greater damage to the relationship. Expressing emotions can be hurtful when done without compassion. Therefore, whether relationships are with friends, coworkers, or partners, it's important to take a deep breath and be mindful prior to expressing negative feelings. Communication with empathy and awareness is key for a positive and healthy relationship.

The Gottman methods

• Build love maps: Showing interest in your partner's feelings and needs. Gottman suggests using a "Love Map Deck Card" to help share difficult emotions such as confusion and frustration.

• Build a culture of appreciation: At times, partners forget to verbally tell their partner how much they appreciate them. Gottman's approach involves actively show appreciation for their partner by thanking them, which he describes as "cultivating a positive habit of mind" (Gottman & Gottman, 2008, p.153).

• Turn toward bids: Gottman describes bids as "verbal and nonverbal requests of connection" (Gottman & Gottman, 2008, p.153). Requires constructing an emotional bank account by asking your partner what they need and respond in a positive manner.

• Emotion coaching: Take your partner's "emotional temperature" by checking-in and see how they are going.

I hope you enjoyed reading this article. Your feedback is valuable!

Namaste,